We had a scare recently. At a wedding in California this weekend, for seemingly no reason at all, I went into preterm labor. This was complicated by multiple factors, the most pressing of which were at the time I was only 26 weeks along, and separated from our toddler and our home by a few state lines. (more…)
Yoga. For some, this word conjures up images of peaceful relaxation: Deep, intentional breaths taken and released into the vastness of the universe, with the grace of a white dove soaring through a crimson sky. For others, the word triggers an image of something more along the lines of hot, synchronized, expensive group exercise for skinny college girls, and lean-muscled men. And for others, like myself, when someone says yoga, I think of yogurt. Frozen yogurt, more specifically, pumped into a paper cup by a machine that always makes it look like a surprisingly appetizing little turd, and covered in six dollars worth of cookie crumbs and chocolate chips, (more…)
Unless you’ve been living with your head in a holiday-safe hole for the last week, I’m guessing you’ve come across the latest round of totally ridiculous drama surrounding the red cups at Starbucks. If not, I’ll sum it up for you: Actual, real-live grown-up adults are complaining about the lack of holiday decorations on the seasonal cups at Starbucks, calling the move “A war on Christianity.” If you, like me, think these people should be treated like the spoiled toddlers they are imitating and put in time out for acting a fool, then you should check out my somewhat sweary response to them that was published by BLUNTMoms yesterday.
Because BLUNTMoms only accepts original, previously unpublished work, you have to follow the link here to see it. I know, clicking that one extra link is like, so hard, but you can do it. Did you do it? Yeah. I didn’t think so. Cheers!
Being pregnant and not being able to sleep has some real perks… like finally realizing I will never actually be in charge of how things go in this house. But at least I have two happy cats and one mostly happy toddler.
I recently wrote a post about the 20 Conditions Which Must Be Met For My Kid To Use The Potty. While the majority of it was highly sarcastic, as with most of what I write, there was a degree of truth woven in and out of the silliness. It seemed, at times, that Baby 1.0 was ready to potty train, but when it came time to actually deposit anything other than toys into the toilet, it was a no-go, and cracking the code that unlocked the mysterious conditions of her random successes seemed about on par with deciphering Enigma. (more…)
Funny things happen to a brain around 3am, especially when your kid has been on a Frozen kick, and you’ve been listening to the songs on repeat for 2 straight months. Any adult who has lived through an Arandelle addiction can attest to how the songs go from pretty to psychosis-inducing at an alarmingly rapid rate. Since convincing our kids to listen to anything else is the definition of impossible, as the song Do You Wanna Build A Snowman asks, what are we going to do? Write a parody, naturally. (more…)
This week I came across the nine dumbest words to ever be strung together in the history of written language. Shockingly the source wasn’t the latest bout of verbal diarrhea from Donald Trump’s Twitter feed, nor was it anything to do with bacon causing cancer. Instead the offending ennead (crossword puzzles, for the win!) came from an article about babies and sleep making the social media rounds. Upon reading the offending nine words, my first reaction was to laugh, which I did heartily. But then the reality set in: Those nine words are toxic, and as funny as they are to me now, had I read them in the midst of my own sleep issues with Baby 1.0, they would have sent me into a tailspin of dread and despair. And what nine words could possibly have that kind of power?
“Every baby is capable of sleeping through the night.”
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It's just the beginning... by Ali Solomon
Hold Me, Don't Hold ME 