Month: December 2015

Fashionable Maternity Options for Ringing In The New Year

Maternity and fashion.

These words go together about as well as vegan and bologna.

Now of course there are exceptions to the rule. The mannequins at Old Navy, for example, always look especially good in whatever is draped and pinned to their plastic, headless bodies. And of course we all have that friend who actually knocked it out of the park, fashion-wise, while knocked up. But as a real-life actual person with a fleshy, over-inflated basketball for a stomach, maternity fashion has been a stretch. The pants sag. The shirts ride up. Everything is itchy. Don’t even get me started on the undergarments. (more…)

Learning to Tolerate Christmas: My Latest Post On BLUNTMoms

For those of you who follow me on Facebook, you know I recently joined the writing cadre at BLUNTMoms. This is exciting for a lot of reasons, especially because for the first time, maybe ever, I find myself in the company of a whole bunch of quick-witted, passionate, intelligent women who are a lot more sweary than I am. Now I get that might not be everyones cup o’ tea, but for me it feels like home. So look for links to my posts here, and if you like your women sharp and sweary, check them out!

My latest post for them went up yesterday. Swing by and have a chuckle (here) if you, like me, find that Christmas gives you a case of the stress squirts…

christmas lights

Something to aspire to if I ever find myself with so much money, I can afford an electric bill higher than rent for a 3 bedroom in Manhattan. 

 

 

10 Questions I Have For My Belly Button In My Third Trimester
  1. Where is my belly button? It no longer sits mid-abdomen, cheerfully monitoring my daily doings from the center of my body, but rather appears to be aimed more at the ground.
  2. Is my belly button looking at the ground because it is depressed?
  3. My belly button looks like it exploded. Is this why it is depressed? (more…)

The 12 Days of Holiday Haikus

On the second day of Christmas, otherwise known as holiday shopping crunch time, my true love gave to me… 12 Holiday Haikus to help get everyone into the holiday spirit! (And by spirit I mean the booze… these will be a lot more enjoyable if you have a little booze first…). (more…)

Coughing Up Your New Favorite Swear Word

Ah 3am, my fickle little friend, I wish I could say it’s good to see you.

I’ve been spending a lot of time with 3am recently, and while there is a certain beauty to the world at an hour where the only sounds are those of drunken college kids parading down the street singing the Canadian national anthem, it’s really a time I’d prefer to know on a less intimate basis. Lately, 3am has been even worse, as my friendly neighbors to the North are being drowned out by an even more unfavorable sound: Coughing. (more…)

On Heavy Boots and the Dangers of Being Small-Minded

To borrow a saying from a book I recently read, lately I’ve been stuck wearing my heavy boots.

The rash of terror attacks that rocked numerous cities over the last month. The Syrian refugee crisis. The assault at a Planned Parenthood in Colorado. The hateful, reckless, utter stupidity that is Donald Trump. It all weighs heavy on me, and I find my funny is harder and harder to access. I try to force it out, but it feels insincere because more important things need to be said. (more…)