Month: November 2015

In The Search For Your Village, Sometimes You Are Your Own Worst Enemy

I’ve written about the village before. You know, that mystical place where woman accept each other at face value, and chat about their differing parenting techniques over a wine cooler, while the kids eat dirt and fight play?

Since writing that post a few months ago, not a lot has necessarily changed, with the exception of discovering that when it comes to gaining entry into the village, I am my own worst enemy. (more…)

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Mentally Managing My Medically Normal Pregnancy, After A Scare

We had a scare recently. At a wedding in California this weekend, for seemingly no reason at all, I went into preterm labor. This was complicated by multiple factors, the most pressing of which were at the time I was only 26 weeks along, and separated from our toddler and our home by a few state lines. (more…)

Yo-gatta Try This: On Yoga and Letting Go Of Lasagna

Yoga. For some, this word conjures up images of peaceful relaxation: Deep, intentional breaths taken and released into the vastness of the universe, with the grace of a white dove soaring through a crimson sky. For others, the word triggers an image of something more along the lines of hot, synchronized, expensive group exercise for skinny college girls, and lean-muscled men. And for others, like myself, when someone says yoga, I think of yogurt. Frozen yogurt, more specifically, pumped into a paper cup by a machine that always makes it look like a surprisingly appetizing little turd, and covered in six dollars worth of cookie crumbs and chocolate chips, (more…)

Toddlers and Adults: Not So Different After All

Unless you’ve been living with your head in a holiday-safe hole for the last week, I’m guessing you’ve come across the latest round of totally ridiculous drama surrounding the red cups at Starbucks. If not, I’ll sum it up for you: Actual, real-live grown-up adults are complaining about the lack of holiday decorations on the seasonal cups at Starbucks, calling the move “A war on Christianity.” If you, like me, think these people should be treated like the spoiled toddlers they are imitating and put in time out for acting a fool, then you should check out my somewhat sweary response to them that was published by BLUNTMoms yesterday.

Because BLUNTMoms only accepts original, previously unpublished work, you have to follow the link here to see it. I know, clicking that one extra link is like, so hard, but you can do it. Did you do it? Yeah. I didn’t think so. Cheers!

You Might Be Potty Training If…

I recently wrote a post about the 20 Conditions Which Must Be Met For My Kid To Use The Potty. While the majority of it was highly sarcastic, as with most of what I write, there was a degree of truth woven in and out of the silliness. It seemed, at times, that Baby 1.0 was ready to potty train, but when it came time to actually deposit anything other than toys into the toilet, it was a no-go, and cracking the code that unlocked the mysterious conditions of her random successes seemed about on par with deciphering Enigma. (more…)