Politics

#MeToo – We Don’t Owe You An Explanation

john lennon

We don’t owe you an explanation.

No woman who has experienced harassment, assault, acts of “sexual deviance” – whatever name you want to apply to being sexually used, abused, targeted, threatened, exploited, etc. – nobody owes anyone a single word of an explanation as to why we are upset.

And boy, are we upset.

AS IF surviving the original trauma wasn’t enough.

AS IF waking up the next day, and realizing EVERY SINGLE DAY of the remainder of your life would be different wasn’t enough.

AS IF sharing your story with someone else and finding they didn’t believe you wasn’t enough.

AS IF going through the legal system and having a jury take his word over yours wasn’t enough.

AS IF seeing your assailant continue on as if nothing ever happened wasn’t enough.

Now we need to explain to you why we are upset? Why this movement is hugely important to us? Why we want to burn it to the fucking ground so that every man rethinks how he views and treats women?

As if.

It’s not our job to walk you through our traumas, day by day, letting you into the hurt, terror, depression, frustration, and isolation we felt (or still feel).

You don’t get our trust just because your care.

Regardless of how supportive you think you are of #MeToo, of women, of mothers and daughters and sisters and neighbors, if your first reaction to finding out some other dirt bag has fallen ISN’T to first trust the woman, I have no time for you.

If your first reaction is to think, “Well that doesn’t seem that bad,” I have no time for you.

If your first reaction is to think, “She probably led him on,” I have no time for you.

If your first reaction is to think, “Men don’t know if they should kiss you or not, they can’t win!” I have no time for you.

If your first reaction is to think, “Everyone knew he was a dirt bag, she shouldn’t have been alone with him,” I have no time for you.

If your first reaction is to say literally anything other than “I believe you,” I have no time for you.

If you don’t understand #MeToo, before you ask questions, before you cast doubts, before make judgments, the very first thing you need to do is listen.

Listen to the stories of those who are willing to share. Try to fully immerse yourself in the situation. Think about what it would feel like, not just physically, but mentally. Think about how it would feel in a week. In a month. In a year.

Think about if you’d be afraid, or angry, or sad, or stressed. Think about how it would affect your relationships. Your job. Your economic wellbeing. Think about if you’d feel trapped, or confused about what to do. Think about how devastating it would feel to have other people tell you it wasn’t a big deal. To move on. To let go. To forgive.

#MeToo isn’t a warlock hunt. It’s not mass hysteria.

It’s the result of millennia of abuse women have taken and buried. It’s lifetimes of trauma shoved down so deep, nobody would guess it ever happened. It’s generations of families led to believe this kind of abuse is normal. Expected. Accepted.

#MeToo isn’t complicating grey areas; it’s highlighting the importance of consent. If she isn’t consenting, it’s a hard no.

So yeah, we don’t owe you an explanation. We don’t owe you anything. But if you want to know more, you do owe us your trust. Your kindness. Your desire to make this right.

This has been a long time coming, and we are far from a resolution.

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If You Aren’t Outraged…

Some people think political rants don’t belong on humor pages or mom blogs, but I disagree.

We are living in a time of unprecedented political upheaval, with new developments coming in by the day regarding our new commander in chief’s plans for destroying our country through fear-mongering and hatred.

Being a mother, I am horrified of what the world might look like for my children if this monster is left unchecked. Being a mother, I feel directly responsible for teaching my children that this kind of cruelty, bigotry, and intolerance won’t stand. 

So while I try to keep it light and funny over here, I also need to keep it real. I am furiously, feverishly, and forever opposed to the Trump regime. I will not keep silent, nor can I offer up distraction from the scary changes that are taking place daily in the White House.

My own dad long ago offered up the saying, “If you aren’t outraged, you aren’t paying attention,” and for me those words have never had more meaning.

If you aren’t outraged, kindly leave in peace. I’ve seen enough and heard enough from Trump’s supporters to know you can’t change stupid. But if you are outraged, and you are wondering how to parent in these times, know you aren’t alone.

We will keep up the funny, but we will also keep it real. And when our kids asked up what we did when a dictator tried to take over America, we will tell them we fought like hell to make it right.

Got An Annoying Friend On Facebook? Maybe You Should Thank Them

“When you opt for the easy road and stay silent on an important issue, like say, Donald Trump vilifying an entire group of people based solely due to their religion, nothing stands in the way of horrible atrocities being committed.

Your silence allows the spread of his nasty hate-filled lies, his fear mongering and misinformation, his bigotry, misogyny and racism. By saying nothing, you allow his message to ring out loud and uncontested from the mouths of people who don’t practice silence or discretion, but do vote. Your lack of participation gives his dangerous dreams a chance to become a reality.”

This is a snippet from my most recent post up on BLUNTMoms, and it’s all about remembering to use one of our most powerful tools: Our voice. Click here to read the rest of the post, and don’t forget to thank your annoying Facebook friends for reminding you how to speak up.

voice

If you squint, Ursula looks a little like The Donald. But unlike Ursula, he does not control your voice.