To borrow a saying from a book I recently read, lately I’ve been stuck wearing my heavy boots.
The rash of terror attacks that rocked numerous cities over the last month. The Syrian refugee crisis. The assault at a Planned Parenthood in Colorado. The hateful, reckless, utter stupidity that is Donald Trump. It all weighs heavy on me, and I find my funny is harder and harder to access. I try to force it out, but it feels insincere because more important things need to be said. (more…)
Being pregnant and not being able to sleep has some real perks… like finally realizing I will never actually be in charge of how things go in this house. But at least I have two happy cats and one mostly happy toddler.
I recently wrote a post about the 20 Conditions Which Must Be Met For My Kid To Use The Potty. While the majority of it was highly sarcastic, as with most of what I write, there was a degree of truth woven in and out of the silliness. It seemed, at times, that Baby 1.0 was ready to potty train, but when it came time to actually deposit anything other than toys into the toilet, it was a no-go, and cracking the code that unlocked the mysterious conditions of her random successes seemed about on par with deciphering Enigma. (more…)
Funny things happen to a brain around 3am, especially when your kid has been on a Frozen kick, and you’ve been listening to the songs on repeat for 2 straight months. Any adult who has lived through an Arandelle addiction can attest to how the songs go from pretty to psychosis-inducing at an alarmingly rapid rate. Since convincing our kids to listen to anything else is the definition of impossible, as the song Do You Wanna Build A Snowman asks, what are we going to do? Write a parody, naturally. (more…)
Parenting, it seems, is a bit like the movie Groundhog Day. You know, that Bill Murray classic from the 90s where he is stuck in the same day for nearly 34 years (no seriously, I googled it)? Not only do you spend a portion of each day silently wondering if you’ve lost your marbles, but you often find yourself repeating things, specifically stupid, unanswerable questions, over, and over, and over again, ad nauseam. And what questions would one possibly ask multiple times every day for 27 months and still not have an answer? Here’s a sampling. (more…)
“C-section?”
This little booger was sandwiched in between the normal compliments and congratulations found in the comment section of the birth announcement of a friend of mine who had a baby over the weekend. The poor woman hasn’t even been a mother long enough to get baby poop on her couch, and already she’s dealing with this crap. (more…)
$156. Let me spell that out for you so it really sinks in: One hundred and fifty-six dollars. According to the Today show, that’s how much the average family will spend on Halloween this year. And what exactly does this cover? One kids costume, one bag of candy, a pumpkin, and decorations. I’m not sure where the Today show staff are shopping, or how they determine who the “average” families are who are spending this insane amount of money on two hours of sugar-fueled legal trespassing, but hearing this number I nearly soiled my britches. (more…)
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It's just the beginning... by Ali Solomon
Hold Me, Don't Hold ME 