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Yo-gatta Try This: On Yoga and Letting Go Of Lasagna

Yoga. For some, this word conjures up images of peaceful relaxation: Deep, intentional breaths taken and released into the vastness of the universe, with the grace of a white dove soaring through a crimson sky. For others, the word triggers an image of something more along the lines of hot, synchronized, expensive group exercise for skinny college girls, and lean-muscled men. And for others, like myself, when someone says yoga, I think of yogurt. Frozen yogurt, more specifically, pumped into a paper cup by a machine that always makes it look like a surprisingly appetizing little turd, and covered in six dollars worth of cookie crumbs and chocolate chips, (more…)

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Being someone who wholeheartedly fears my daughter ever feeling like she needs makeup or a man to be complete, this comic rings true. If she goes through a princess stage, so be it. Things could certainly be worse than having a little girl who thinks she’s a princess…I think. But here’s to hoping if she does, she at least passes through it and understands she’s beautiful, capable and complete as is.

Can you write a parenting haiku?

A fun Sunday activity from a fellow blogger who was kind enough to play along. Got any parenting haikus waiting to be born?

“Finish It” Blog Event Post – Who Am I?

This is a fun post being written to participate in the blogging event called “Finish It” being hosted by Author S B Mazing.

She carefully opened the door, not sure what to expect. It had been a while since she had visited. Nothing was the way she remembered and when her eyes finally got adjusted to the dark, what she saw made her shiver…

The bathroom mirror reflected a face she barely recognized. Her hair, once long and smooth, was frazzled and greasy. Her skin was wrinkled and dull, with a roadmap of lines erupting from the corners of her glassy eyes. “What has happened to me?” she thought to herself as she begrudgingly turned on the unforgiving overhead light.

Just then she heard the sound of rapidly approaching feet, and moments later, fists on the door. The unintelligible screaming of her captor was only slightly muted by the paper-thin, lightweight door of the cheap apartment she was being housed in. Knowing if enough force was applied, the door would give way, she sighed and begged “Just give me a minute. Just one minute. Please?”

This pleading only served to infuriate her captor more, who responded by letting out a series of guttural shrieks that easily communicated feelings of sheer ire, even though the words were garbled and slurred together. Aware that her time was limited, she quickly stripped off her clothes, paying minimal attention to the unknown streaks and stains that decorated the shoulder of her favorite tee from the 5K she did in college. “College.” She thought as she turned on the shower. “I was so…free…” The thought trailed off as stepped into the cool water. No time to wait for the water to warm up, as it would only be a matter of minutes until her captor discovered the door had been left unlocked.

With expert hands, she quickly washed her hair, and decided, yet again, to skip shaving her legs. She was so tired. Again, she heard pounding coming from the door, but under the stream of steadily heating water, it was even more muffled. “Just one more minute!” she yelled, knowing full well she only had 30 more seconds, tops. Ducking her head back, she breathed in the steamy air and felt a tiny bit of tension leave her weary body. “If only this could last forever. Or for 5 more minutes,” she thought to herself as she stretched her achy neck.

At that second, the door burst open, and the shower curtain was forcefully ripped back.

From the edge of the tub, her captor stared up at her. Bright eyes, and a wide, toothless grin replaced what had been a mask of rage just moments before.

“Okay, okay. You found me. I give up,” she said with a smile.

“Mama!” replied her captor with glee.

“Yes, Baby. I am your mama,” she said as she wrapped herself in a robe, and swooped down to pick up her captor. Glancing back in the mirror briefly, she felt oddly comfortable knowing that even as she morphed into someone different -someone nearly unrecognizable to her previous self- she was perfect in the eyes of this little beast. She turned off the light. “Goodbye, shower. Until next time,” she said, as she quickly shut the door.

Let’s Get Touchy Feely: The Importance of Empathy [Guest Post]

Love this idea by Never Trust A Jellyfish. I’m all about a Resolution Revolution!!

Parenting In 5 Words Or Less: Sippy Cups

Show me a sippy cup that doesn’t leak, and I’ll show you a unicorn.

10 Wicked Awesome Reasons To Have A Baby

Being in my earlymidish-thirties, I seem to know an awful lot of people who are either having babies, or are debating if they should jump on the baby band wagon. Having been in their position not that long ago, I am obviously now a certified expert, and can offer you this curated list of 10 wicked awesome reasons to have a baby.

1. You have a mole you’d like removed, but you don’t want to go to a dermatologist. Forget singing a lullaby to put Baby 1.0 to sleep, nothing relaxes her more than picking at what remains of a mole I had on the inside of my right elbow until recently. There is no keeping her from this war wound, for she will wiggle, burrow and slither her arm up through any sleeve until her fingers rest on the patch of skin where Mr. Mole used to be. Here’s to hoping she got clean margins.

2. You want to live in a house with exotic animals without obtaining all of those pesky permits. Toddlers are basically a majestic mix of a tiger and a chimpanzee. A chimpiger, or a tigazee. She’s fast, fearless, ferocious and meows all the time. It’s tres exotic. Best of all, eventually they grow up and can do chores, which is better than growing up and eating your neighbor’s face off.

Oddly enough, there is no such thing as a chimp/tiger hybrid.

3. You are tired of going to the bathroom alone. If you thought peeing alone was fun, you will LOVE not peeing alone. And if having someone who is eye level with the toilet seat stand there and stare at you while you make your deposits isn’t enough, racing that person to get up, turn around, and shut the toilet seat before they dive into the dirty bowl will certainly add extra excitement to what was once a mundane task.

4. You love playing “Is That A Booger Or A Piece Of Banana?” every day. This game is second only to my other favorite game, “Is That A Raisin Or A Cat Turd?” I can’t wait to play tomorrow!! (Spoiler alert, it’s never a raisin.)

5. You enjoy reading the same thing, or listening to the same song 3,466 times in one week. I know 80% of Baby 1.0’s library by heart, which is good news if there is a Zombie Apocalypse and the world loses all of its children’s books. I will be like the Giver.

6. You want your home decor to go from “modern chic” to “I didn’t know you were moving and/or why didn’t I feel that earthquake that must have just happened to explain this horrid mess?” Sure, the idea of living in somewhere that looks like an Ikea catalog is fun. It’s so clean, and organized. I get it. But really isn’t it more fun to live somewhere where traversing the floor between the kitchen and the living room provides as much danger and excitement as climbing Everest? There are legos, and spatulas and Cheerios OH MY! There are books and magnetic letters and what the hell? How did my underwear get out here!?

7. You need to locate small, dangerous items once lost in your house. Million dollar idea: you could rent babies out to find things people have lost and absolutely make a killing – both literally and figuratively. Babies can find anything on the floor, especially when it’s dangerous. Case and point? Baby 1.0 found a crack pipe at the park near our house this summer. A crack pipe. Put up a FOUND sign, but alas, there were no takers.

FOUND: One crack pipe, under the slide at the toddler park. Crack is whack, yo. Maybe don’t do that here?

8. You have a desire to transform every glass of water into a smoothie. Do you like smoothies? Then babies are for you! They are like perfect little blenders, always at the ready to deposit whatever they last ate into your water-glass. Unlike those trendy NutriBullets, this blender requires maximum maintenance, and can choke and die if you give it something it can’t handle. But still. It’s a baby blender!

9. You want to find a good excuse to take the BuzzFeed quiz on “How Much Do You Know About Cats?” I will say, breastfeeding Baby 1.0 has given me A LOT of time to do things I would have never done before. I watched the whole Breaking Bad series over the course of 3 very long and very intense days. And just now, I took the BuzzFeed “How Much Do You Know About Cats?” quiz, and got an 18/20. To quote BuzzFeed, I am a feline genius. Boom.

10. You enjoy swinging from the treetops of the emotional rain forest like an out of control monkey being chased by a Harpy Eagle. Every day, I feel every degree of every emotion available. Every day at some point I find myself being exuberantly happy, and filled to the brim with pride, love and amazement. Every day at some point I find myself being extremely exhausted, totally burned out, and questioning every decision I ever made. Every day at some point I find myself treading water in the emotional in-between. It is crazy, and it is hard, but it is wonderful and beautiful at the same time.