humor

What To Expect When You’re Expecting Me To Blog For Another Year

One year ago, on a blustery fall day while walking through a street teeming with what appeared to be circus carnies but were, as I was later told, undergrads, I announced to my husband that I was going to start a blog. “Are you sure?” he asked me, “It’s a lot of work. I mean, do you think you have enough to say?” at which point I nearly fell over laughing. Do I have enough to say? Me? I think the real question should have been, “Will you be able to shut up your face when what you want to say does’t need to be said?” (more…)

Angry Mom Refrains From Posting Nasty Comment On Article: Life As We Know It Doesn’t Cease To Exist – via MockMom

Do you like satire? Do you like laughing? If so, be sure to check out MockMom.com, where fellow moms write bogus news stories and confuse the crap out of people. IT’S SO FUN! I’m up on there this week poking fun at common problems found on most comment threads circulating through Facebook on any given day. Read on for a sample, and be sure to check out MockMom for a laugh!

An angry mom in Decatur surprised everyone yesterday when she chose not to leave a nasty comment on an article posted to friend’s Facebook feed regarding breastfeeding in public.

Known for her tendency to start every comment with, “That’s just stupid,” Angry Mom has quickly made a name for herself by making it a habit of expressing her disdain for anything and everything related to parenting that shows up on her Facebook feed.

When asked why she chose to practice restraint in this one instance, she shrugged her shoulders and stated dully, “I forgot my phone when I went to take a dump, and then it slipped my mind.”… (To read more click here).

(Cover image credit)

In Case There Isn’t Amazon Prime In Heaven…

This weekend my husband and I spent our first weekend away from the babe in 2 years, road trippin’. It was an epic 2-day 1,500 mile adventure, complete with enough junk food, Wu Tang and unnecessary swearing to give any collegiate football team a run for their money. It was somewhere around mile 800 or so, when threading the needle between two GIGANTIC and terrifying thunderstorms steamrolling across the plains, that it occurred to me perhaps we will not be making it back home in one, unelectrocuted piece. (more…)

Communication Nation: What You Say vs What Your Toddler Hears

Communicating with a toddler can, at times, be quite frustrating, and not for the reasons you might think. Sure, the ear-piercing “NOOOO!” that can be heard 300 miles due South can be difficult, but our main issues seem to stem from what are turning out to be simple miscommunications. When I say something like “Go get your pink shoes,” what I am asking our daughter to do seems clear enough, and until recently I thought she was understanding me. But as time goes by, it is becoming more and more clear that Baby 1.0 does not understand approximately 80% of the words coming out of my mouth. Sure, there are people who will argue that she is hearing and understanding me, and then deciding to mentally flip me a tiny, perfect, pink, middle-finger, but she’s so sweet and precious and there’s just no way that she would consciously and intentionally disobey me this often. Clearly the only explanation is that she just has different definitions of nearly every word in the English language.

Here are our most common trouble words: (more…)

The Thought Process of a Toddler At Snack Time

Oh my gaaaawd, Mommymommymommymoooooooommmmmy, I am so hungry! It’s been a full 20 minutes since I was last offered a sub-par snack, which, due to it’s sub-par nature, I declined by dumping it in the kitty water bowl. Phew, dodged that bullet! Just FYI, last I checked, I wasn’t on a hunger strike, so let’s make this snack prep snappy. (more…)

Oh The Horror! Why Every Horror Movie Made Is Obviously About Toddlers

Many people have made the claim that toddlers are like zombies, and that motherhood is like the Walking Dead. I get it. The drool, the incoherent babble, their constant pursuit and desire to bite… yes, I see the connection between toddlers and zombies. But I’m going to take it a step further and suggest that nearly every horror movie out there, in some way, shape, or form, is inspired by the behavior of our crotchety crotch fruit. (more…)