1. Start packing. Lay out all the clothes you will need on your freshly made bed, like some kind of grown-up.

2. Stop packing so you can pour child third bowl of cereal for the morning.

3. Resume packing while child eats bowl of cereal.

4. Stop packing to clean up spilled cereal from carpet.

5. Resume packing. Discover you fit into pre-nursing normal bras. Do a weird dance. Walk around with your shirt up to feel the wind on your skin, as if you just had a cast removed. Adjust outfits accordingly since a moomoo is no longer required to cover up device holding up breasts.

6. Stop packing because child is requesting a nail trim.

7. Resume packing because child no longer wants a nail trim.

8. Stop packing because child has pooped.

9. Resume packing, but are confused at lack of underwear available in drawer. Consider wearing combination of bikini bottoms and wedding underwear, but decide to do quick load of laundry.

10. Stop packing to put laundry in.

11. Resume packing. Locate one pair of decent underwear. Add them to “Saturday” pile.

12. Stop packing to locate camera, binoculars, husband’s favorite sweatshirt, bowl of cereal, iPhone cord, and purple sippy cup.

13. Resume packing. Start placing items in suitcase while frantically explaining to child over and over that daddy is at work, not in the potty.

14. Completely forget that your “Sunday” and “Monday” piles of clothes are each missing one pair of underwear.

15. Zip up suitcase and pat yourself on the back for packing so quickly and efficiently.

Here’s to hoping they sell underwear at the gas station…

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