Rashes

The Only Word Worse Than Moist

Words are powerful. They have the power to evoke memories and emotions alike. They move us to take action, or calm frazzled nerves. Words unite us or divide us depending on their message. They can fill your soul with love, or, break your heart into a thousand itty bitty pieces. Words are powerful.

Take, for example, the word “moist.”

I’m willing to bet that at least 80% of you just scowled and wrinkled your nose as if you had just smelled a day old poop diaper left in a hot car during a Miami heat wave. It’s not a pretty word, and depending on your personal experiences, probably brings up an unpleasant memory, like the shared gloves in our elementary music class that were used to play the fancy brass bells. Pulling on a cold and moist pair of cotton gloves when it was time to take my turn on the bells was on par with pulling up your wet one-piece after a pee break at the public pool, which is to say exceedingly difficult and gross feeling. Needless to say, my dreams of being a professional bell toller ended around the same time as the ring worm infection I got from the gloves got diagnosed.

While I don’t love the word moist, it doesn’t really skeeve me out too much. I mostly think of cake or muffins. But there is a word that sends spider-in-your-hair type shivers shooting down my spine: Rash.

Yep. Rashes make me irrational. Big time. Without fail, upon seeing a rash, the same thoughts always go through my mind:

1. Whatthefuckisthat?

2. A RASH! I’m itchy. My eyes itch. I have a rash in my eyes?

3. Well that is profoundly disturbing, and obviously hella contagious.

4. I am itchy. I am itchy all over. My eyebrows itch. I have a rash in my eyebrows?

5. This is ring worm? This is chicken pox? This is measles? This is poison ivy? I will google it.

6. GOOOOOOOOOOOOD GRIEF! I’m NEVER googling again. (Seriously. Never google image search the word rash. And especially never click on this link that shows you THE WORST PICTURE OF A RASH YOU’VE EVER SEEN. Don’t do it.)

Having a toddler in the house, I see my fair share of rashes. Diaper rashes and viral rashes that come after a fever. Nothing that has been contagious, and nothing that has been serious by any stretch of the imagination. But still. Rashes make me itch.

So let’s hear it. What’s your least favorite word out there?

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