“I Need A Baby” and Other Things I Thought I’d Never Say

I would be lying if I said I always wanted a baby. I was pretty on the fence about it, and felt I could honestly be happy long-term with, or without one. What I wanted was a dog. Badly. I had names picked out, and dreams of my dog and I becoming a talented and sought after search and rescue team. One where we always found the victim before it was too late, and people chanted our names like in the end of that movie “Rudy.” But alas, I already had three unruly cats and a husband who was decidedly less enthusiastic about converting our small apartment into an animal shelter, so a dog was out of the question. What he wanted, eventually, was a baby. Because why commit to 12-15 years of care to something that will worship you, when you can commit your whole life to raising something that will eventually, without question, tell you they hate you? I begged him, I pleaded with him, I pouted, but he wouldn’t budge on the dog. “One day we will have a baby” was his line of thinking. “One day I will have a marvelous dog” was mine.

So there we were. Years passed, and we plugged along happily married with our three cats and our respective future mammal plans on the shelf. We slept! We drank beer! We ate out! It was wonderful. Then one day, my best friend moved far away, and I had what WebMD would call a “quarter-life crisis.” This culminated in me drinking a full bottle of wine, and half a bottle of champagne with a neighbor friend who had a new baby. While crying about how much I missed my buddy, my neighbor said “You should have a baby!” to which I responded “It’s not the right time.” And then the skies parted, time slowed down and she said: “It’s never the right time.” For some reason this struck me as especially profound, and her words echoed around the room. I could see them, dramatically floating above her head like in a comic strip. All of the sudden, I needed a baby, like right-now-this-very-second-I-can’t-possibly-wait-any-longer-I-must-have-a-baby! What she said just seemed so true, except in my head it got a little jumbled and quickly became “Now is the best and only time to have a baby.” I glided gracefully home (or stumbled, I don’t remember that part as clearly as I do the rest), and pranced (bounced) downstairs to where my husband lay sleeping and declared: “We should have a BABY!” He sat up, wide-eyed and suspicious the house had been broken into, and watched me crawl into bed and pass out.

The next day brought a rip-roaring hangover, and a new feeling: I need a baby. I NEEDED the baby. Baby, baby, babybabybabybabybaabbby. It was all I could think about. This was strange, as prior to this day, I had never had these kinds of feelings before- and feelings they were. I felt the need for this baby in my bones, and in my stomach and in my heart. It was as if my neighbor had pulled some sort of black magic voodoo trick, and jump-started my biological clock while I was innocently drinking heavily on her couch. It was all I could think about (baby), and all I wanted to talk about (baaabbbyyy) with my husband who (BABY!) handled it like a champ. We talked, he said “It’s not the best time” (he was a year away from finishing his PhD), so I said in my most confident and knowing voice, “It’s never the right time.” But because I am not a voodoo witch, the skies didn’t part, time did not slow down, and the words did not dance above my head in dramatic fashion. Not having the same effect on him, I sweetened the deal with: “Honey, it takes the average couple 6 months to conceive!” which gave him the illusion of time. “Even if we get pregnant right away, which is like, super unlikely, 9 months is basically a year,” I said. As if during those 9 months you have nothing to do to prepare for the birth of the child, and life continues on as normal with zero interruptions.

After our big chat, two very surprising things happened: 1). My very rational, patient husband agreed to my irrational, and impatient plan to reproduce post-haste, and 2). We got pregnant, post-haste. With the appearance of two pink lines, all of a sudden the gravity of the situation hit me. Sitting on the toilet, pee-covered stick in hand I thought “I’m going to be a Mommy.” Then, in the back of my head a tiny voice chuckled: “Gottcha, Sucker” said my Ovaries to my Brain. “Ruh-roh,” my Brain replied. “Ruh-roh.”

135 comments

  6. Finding out I’m pregnant has always been a mixed reaction of mostly “oh crap!” And “yay! This is what we wanted, right?” I can very much sympathize with your reaction! Nice to see someone being honest about it!

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  8. This is almost exactly what happened with me and my husband. We did get a dog though about 6 months before I decided now was the only time to have a baby. Fast forward a year and a half and I now have the world’s best dog, Norman my Australian shepherd, and the worlds happiest 4 month old baby boy ( Not biased…) I loved the humor in your story!

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    1. We need a marvelous dog, if not only to fulfill my life long destiny, but also because the baby is SO messy! I’m getting tired of lugging a vacuum around to pick up all the food bits she scatters around the house. Congrats on your wee one!

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      1. Oh! Then you know about about colic! I think my son was about 2 hours old the first time I called my husband a stupid asshole. Need to post that one. Everything I thought I knew went out the window.

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  17. Life is funny sometimes and takes you on these wild rides some are irrational crazy thoughts that end up being the most beautiful things! Congrats and wish you all the best! Very cute story

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  18. I’m definitely at the wine stage with my neighbors! I think it’s about time for my partner and I. There is never a perfect time, we have so many plans and a baby will have to fit in somewhere. By the time we’d actually be ‘ready’, we’d be 50….

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  21. this is the story of me and my wife… besides the drinking and stumbling down steps. We had many of the same conversations about the average time it takes to conceive… yeah a month later we were on our way to parenthood

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  23. The tale of our first child’s conception runs very similarly to this one. Except once I was good and liquored up, I was apparently convincing enough to persuade my husband we should start trying for a baby THAT VERY NIGHT. We laughed at ourselves the next day, and decided, no seriously, let’s give it six months then start trying. Two weeks later: “Ruh-roh…”
    I really enjoyed your post, and congratulations on a well-deserved Freshly Pressed. 🙂

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  25. Yeah! You need a baby, I need a dog! Or was I sure? I love your story and you got me excited with your journey BUT it made more confused and a little bit mixed up. You see I’m getting married but I wanted to be a doctor. If I’ll pursue my dream that means I cant have a baby for 6 years. I’m now 26 so after 6 years I’ll be 32. That leaves me with 3 years before the 36 and onward not so ideal age for pregnancy (the book says)! Or am I over thinking. Oh man, can’t be too excited to have my baby. Anyways, sorry for bothering you with my own troubles and goodluck to your pregnancy!

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    1. You know, I’m hardly qualified to be giving any kind of advice about what you should do with your life… but I do happen to know a handful of doctors who also have kids, so maybe the two aren’t mutually exclusive? Congrats on your engagement!

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  26. I laughed so much about this because it’s exactly the same with us: I want a dog, he wants a baby. We have the same struggles but we’re not near that vodoo-thing yet 🙂

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  29. I was a bit worried about myself that I wanted a dog more than a baby. Now I know, that its okay and I am not alone. I just need grab that bottle and may be knock on my neighbour’s door 😉

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      1. I need to grab a wine and go to my neighbour to have a baby…. That didn’t sound right at all!!! Just to cover all bases.. I meant I will go to my neighbour to perhaps get the “Aha Baby moment”. LoL

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  30. Great blog! I can totally relate – it all happened pretty fast for us too in the end… Still looking for the marvellous dog, but with the baby “it’s just not the right time”… Well done, and congrats. Looking forward to hearing more.

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    1. Good luck on your hunt for the marvelous dog. I think dog, then baby, is always a good choice because then you already have something to clean up after the very messy baby. Makes your workload easier in the end… unless of course you take into consideration the walking of the dog, the scooping of the poop, etc… But totally worth it, in my eyes!

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  31. Love your post. I’m early thirties and still very much waiting for this voodoo moment to happen to me, as people assure me it will! At the moment I’m very much pro-puppy but the other half isn’t buying it. Nice to hear there are other people out there with the same experiences 🙂

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  33. Congrats on your new marriage! We started getting questions about when we were going to have kids right away. Hopefully you and your new hubs are on the same page… and if not, well, you never know what tomorrow will bring! Thanks for reading it!

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    1. So glad you liked it! Yes, that moment sure holds an incredible amount of emotion for something involving urine. I think oops is probably a more common reaction than people like to admit!

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    1. I know, right! SO MESSY! I just discovered an unknown substance smeared across a window, and I’m about to google “how to get fingerprints off your t.v.”… At least if we had a dog, I wouldn’t have to vacuum every day (and by every day I mean once a week…)

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  44. My husband and I have been talking about bringing a little one into the world. I think i’ve said “it’s not the right time” on at least 353.7 occasions. And his heart-driven rationality (one of the things I love about him) would always reply “it’s never the right time.” Glad to know i’m not the only one! Although I have baby fever, I’m also equally terrified. I have been doing everything to find women who are in the same boat either in the “trying” stage or within the first trimester. I look forward to hearing more of your story!

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    1. You are far from the only one! I can only say in our experience, once we made the decision, we made it work with our life. It hasn’t been easy, but looking back, we wouldn’t want it any other way. I hope you decide on whatever is best for both of you, and in the mean time, perhaps I can offer you a laugh here and there.

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  45. God… reminds me of the first time I found out I was pregnant. Never again do you feel that crushing sense of reality and responsibility. Talk about fear! shudder…. almost 18 years ago, and 3 more pregnancies later, and I still can recall every wonderful/horrible feeling I had in those first moments, as I realized there was no going back to think this through…. You expressed it wonderfully!

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  47. Happy for you, but I really only want a dog (and cats) and I seriously hope I won’t have someone like your magic neighbour in a drunk night 🙂

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    1. Yes, be wary of the voodoo neighbor… you never know what kind of tricks they have up their sleeve 😉 And good luck with your own future mammal plans! I’m totally pro dog and cat!

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