1. You spawned a life. Not to take away from the male, um, contribution, but growing a baby in your stomach, and then surviving their transition to the outside world, seems like pretty convincing street cred supporting your new Superhero status.
2. You can see seconds into the future. You know before anyone else does that your kid is about test the gravitational pull of the earth with their forehead. You are aware of their next move before they are aware of their next move. If you had more time on your hands, you could open up a 1-800 hotline and tell people their (immediate) futures, but let’s be honest. If you had more time on your hands, you’d take a shower and maybe, just maybe, brush your teeth.
3. You have superhuman reflexes that, when coupled with Superhero power #2 mentioned above, allow you to prevent any number of daily disasters. You can catch your kid, mid-fall, and have an uncanny ability to snare anything making the short journey from your kids mouth to their party dress. These same reflexes have saved your toddler AND your iPhone from a watery toilet grave/unwelcome wastewater booty bath. You could probably catch a fly with chopsticks, but then you’d just be showing off.
4. You can survive on minimal sleep for years and somehow not turn into a Supervillain. Usually.
5. Your nutritional needs are somehow met by some combination of eating scraps of small slobbery cracker bits, and sips of pureed food product you squish out of the bottom of packets before throwing them away (and feeling eternally guilty for feeding your kid out of something so wasteful, BUT IT’S THE ONLY THING SHE EATS).
6. You have superhuman hearing. Not only can you hear even the most subtle of midnight whimpers cluing you into an oncoming cold, but you can hear silence, and in a household where toddler’s reside, silence is the most concerning sound of all.
7. While we are on the topic of superhuman senses, you can smell your own child’s feces from across the library. Knowing this, I propose a shift in the old fart saying to “If you smelt it, your child dealt it.”
8. You can multitask like an octopus on speed. Enough said.
9. You can stop an oncoming car in its tracks by using only your eyes. (This has only proved effective when standing on the sidewalk at a crosswalk, which admittedly may play a role. Do not try this at home.)
10. Your heart now resides outside of your body. This was not explained clearly during your hospital discharge, and none of your post-partum appointments addressed this, but somehow your heart now walks two steps ahead of you, skipping through puddles and sniffing flowers on the side of the road. Anything that can survive with their heart on the outside of their bodies HAS to be a Superhero.
So what do you think? Do you have any other super powers I failed to mention?
Image credits: Miss Cleo, Rorschach test, Cocoa powder, Baby 1.0 photo property of HMDHM, Cover image– if you like this picture, follow the link for more AMAZING creations by Andry Rajoelina.
The ability to consume chocolate in absolute secrecy to avoid having to share.
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Yes! Now I want chocolate!
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You make me feel the same way ALL OVER AGAIN. Thanks. Well said.
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Reblogged this on maryelizabethtrevino.
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Lovely post, and so true. Loved the cocoa powder. I did something similar as a toddler, only it was brown shoe polish…
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Oh no! Brown shoe polish would be an interesting mess! I’m waiting for the day I leave something out that really makes a mess… so far so good. Although with my last post about getting locked in the bathroom by the baby, it seems I’m destined for disaster sooner or later!
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We’re bigger and smarter, but they still manage to catch us out! 😉
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Oh man, the multi-tasking! Even though my husband is the one who stays home (read: should be better than me at this), when I’m home he just gazes in awe at the number of things I coordinate at once. Especially when we’re out of milk and eggs and bread and ice cream (Oh God the ice cream!) and we have EXACTLY 30 minutes to get everyone dressed for the weather, out the door, and to the store before they close. And the store is 25 minutes away.
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Oh man, for ice cream I could get us out of the door in 1 minute flat. No promises that everyone would be clothed appropriately, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make!
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I love your list. So true with super-human reflexes and predicting the future! :p And don’t forget, you make milk too! Now that’s super power. ;D
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Thanks! And yes, milk! How did I forget that one?
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Oh wow, so much awesome truth in this post 🙂
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Thanks!
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I really like 5,6 and 10. BTW, did you draw that intro cartoon. Really cute. If not, nice find.
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Thanks! That cartoon is by a french artist linked at the bottom of the post. I love his stuff, so cute!
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Great list – especially 6 and 8.
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Thanks! I don’t know what came first, the baby or the multitasking, because I can’t remember pre-baby life, but I feel like it’s at a whole new level.
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I know what you mean…my husband took my daughter out last night and my infant went to sleep and I was like…..What do I do???!!
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This is one of the greatest posts I have read recently. I definitely felt like a superhero while reading this.
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That is so sweet of you to say. Next time you stop a car in it’s tracks (from the safety of the sidewalk) puff out your Superhero chest a little 😉
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🙂 looking forward to reading more.
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Great list. I have magical healing powers. Just one kiss and the ouchies stop hurting.
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That’s a good one! A super important super power. Mom kisses are to boo boos what wine is to nightly mom meltdowns?
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Reblogged this on Average Girl to Mom and commented:
Perfect article!
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Thanks for the reblog, my friend! Glad you enjoyed it!!
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Ability to consume food in secret without moving your mouth!! LOL
Hit the nail on the head and confirmed what I have been suspecting all of these years – I AM A SUPERHERO!!!! I will proudly start wearing my cape out in public. . well, no I would need to conceal my identity. Okay, I will proudly wear my cape around the house! yup!! Thanks to you! 🙂 🙂 🙂 LOL Great Post!
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Yay! I’m so glad you liked it! And yes to the food… I’m still working on that super skill! When you learn how to open the chip bag silently, let me know? That thing is like ringing the dinner bell on a ranch!
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bahahah!!!! I can’t stop laughing at the cocoa powder!!!!!!
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I know, right? To be honest, I pulled that pic from the webs, but it’s pretty classic! I bet that floor still smells like chocolate!
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