To All The Other “Bad Mothers” Out There

Well hello, Lovelies!

Let me start by saying welcome, and thank you for joining me in my first ever “Bad Mothers Club” meeting! My name is Emily, and according to strangers on the internet, I’m a bad mother (amongst many other less than desirable things). See, a few weeks ago I wrote a post about Why I’m Never Getting My Daughter A Pony, and wouldn’t you know it, it awarded me membership to the club with gusto (awesome comments can be read here)!

Shortly after receiving my membership notification, via multiple comments along the lines of my personal favorite, “You’re a blithering IDIOT!!!”, and of course the old stand-by, “You shouldn’t be a mother,” I came across another poor fellow mother and blogger who was ripped a number of new assholes from hundreds of angry mothers who didn’t agree with her message. If you’re wondering what her message was, it was simply that she doesn’t like to play pretend with her daughter. OH THE HORROR! Get your pitchforks, ladies, we’ve got a monster on our hands! Someone who doesn’t like being bossed around by her 4 year old?! GASP! As long as you promise to play nice, you can read it here.

I was fully intending on pulling a T. Swift, and just shaking it off, but seeing the pack turn on another mother got me thinking: Isn’t there a better way to deal with this? And so I present to you, The Bad Mothers Club. The membership rules are simple:

1. Make a pledge to be nice. You don’t have to agree with everything someone says, but if you choose to voice your opinion, do it without personally attacking the other person.

2. If you see a fellow blogger getting ripped any number of new assholes over a topic as uncontroversial as not enjoying being bossed around by her 4 year old, maybe pop by and tell her “You are not a bad mother.” Unless of course you believe in your heart of hearts this makes her a bad mother, and if that’s the case, you don’t belong in our club.

3. Say this out loud to yourself until the icky feeling in your stomach goes away: “I am not a bad mother.”

4. Continue to write out YOUR truth. Maybe other people don’t like it, but that’s on them. Motherhood is a wild experience, and it’s different for everybody. Of course your truth won’t fit perfectly someone else’s, but if they don’t like it, they don’t have to read it. And if they say something nasty, come here and vent about it.

So welcome! Make yourself at home. Feel free to dump that horrible comment someone once left you in the comments section. Leave here with your heart a little lighter.

62 comments

  1. And here’s my favorite quote about motherhood: If you’re worried about being a good mother, you’re a good mother. End of argument. So, my 5 year old thinks I’m the worst mom ever. Can I join your club?

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  6. Hi! I read your article about horses – seriously??? A bad mother after that? This is so weird. I completely agree with you on that point. And as for others saying you should teach your daughter about commitment, why not start with a gold fish or a hamster and see if she can be committed enough at least for two years. Chances are, you would be the one cleaning the cage, but at least that’s not as difficult as caring for a horse for so many years.
    I wasn’t called a bad mother in my face, but I guess my natural parenting approach raised a few eyebrows. Who cares? Those are my children and I’m not going to listen to strangers telling me how to bring them up.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, and lending your support. The whole thing was made even sillier by the fact that my daughter is 19 months. We are a LONG way off from that conversation. The whole idea was to help families who are having that conversation now see another side to the debate. Turns out it did a lot more than that!! But again, thanks for stopping by, and taking the time to comment on the situation. 🙂

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      2. That’s what made it so silly for me. But I never explicitly stated that, so I get it. Not only am I a “blithering IDIOT” but I also am not good at giving all the details… Lesson learned!

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      3. I know I always take harsh comments close to heart, so I totally understand you! Wishing you to forget soon about those other ‘blithering idiots’ as they’re not worth thinking about!

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  7. HaHaHa! Almost wet my knickers while reading this, which is one of
    the rewards of old grey motherhood.
    Just consider the nasty comments
    training for children’s teenage years!
    You had me at the picture. Count
    Me In! As long as you keep blithering like idiots —
    You have to slip into a little insanity to make it the long haul. One of the best gifts you can give your child is to enjoy being who you are with them — warts and all. And one of the best gifts you can give another mother is to be imperfect with them — motherhood can be lonely sometimes.

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  8. Where do I sign up for your club? Loved the pony post and this post as well 🙂 Some people should not be allowed to comment on things on the internet…. Try not to let them get to you.

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  9. I’m in!!! I definitely think I am a great mom but there are things I really don’t like to do. But that does not make me a bad mother. And if someone disagrees with that because they are bored out of their skin and just want to talk someone down: bring it on! There are plenty of reasons why that person is the worse mother than me…

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  10. Reblogged this on A Momma's View and commented:
    I decided to reblog this, as it plays well with my last post. It shocked me how judgemental people can be and honestly the fact that they decide it’s okay to label someone an idiot without even properly knowing that person! It doesn’t make them seem smart or nice in my eyes.

    There are many reasons why we are great mom’s event bough we never want to buy our daughters a pony or play pretend or whatever. It’s our right to write about it. It’s our right to decide not to play certain things with our kids or buy them some others. But it’s nobody’s right to judge us for this. I think it is worse to teach your child to judge others and attack others (even verbally and in the safety of the cyber world or especially that…) than not buy or not play certain stuff…

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  11. I’m a bad dad because I taught my kids to climb trees… all the way to the top and now that they can get up there by themselves I expect them to get down by themselves. Can I join, too? Great post, by the way!

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  12. I am often frustrated with trying to play the video games my son loves. They make me motion sick. As much as my heart wants to make him happy, there are just some things I cannot do. Like the saying says, if you’re thinking about what it is to be a good mother, then you already are. Let the trolls have their negativity.

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  13. Reblogged this on Author S B Mazing and commented:
    Something to share! How shocking that people judge! What about respecting the others opinion? And why should someone be an idiot or a bad mother just for not buying her daughter a pony? I’ve seen what happens to a lot of ponies that are bought for a daughter and then one day is no longer big enough or interesting enough!

    Look in the mirror and ask yourself what you are teaching your children by judging others and telling them off online… ask yourself if that is good parenting…

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    1. OH NO! What kind of parenting blasphemy were you speaking? I am sorry to hear that, but I’m glad you’ve found our club. People are monsters, I tell ya! I’m all about t-shirts. What should our catch phrase be?!

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      1. I wrote an essay about how having two kids was a lot harder than having one and confessed to sometimes wishing I could just read a book to my older son uninterrupted. I was also sure to talk about what I liked about having two children, but apparently I am a self-absorbed monster. Maybe we can have personalized t-shirts that list the various accusations that have been hurled at us.

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      2. Wait… you want to read a BOOK to your kid, uninterrupted? Not READING! Reading is for the Debil! All jokes aside, I would pay big bucks for a t-shirt that said “I’m A Self-Absorbed Monster” on it. That is a great shirt. 🙂

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  15. Do we say some kind of serenity prayer in this club or something? I have six (twins in that mix) and the first three I did everything right and then these last three, apparently I can’t do anything right. So I need to head up my own chapter here in San Diego, CA, if that’s okay? 😉 And here’s a confession – – I hide my monopoly money a little at a time until I suddenly go “broke” and the game ends, always in under twenty minutes.

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    1. I say some kind of serenity prayer every day, at around 4pm when your toddler is at maximum destruction level, and my patience took an extended lunch break (maybe quit entirely). 6 twins?! Girl, you need to hide your monopoly money. Hats off to you for figuring out this coping mechanism, and being kind enough to share it with the group. Welcome!

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  16. i’m in your club too. so so so many people call people of my faith (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) biggots, haters, cult, etc., without even stepping foot in our chapels let alone reading and checking out our beliefs. it’s mind boggling to me for others to make such calls w/out knowing any fact or evidence. i never retaliate or call them names, but respond with love. it goes to show who they are; just look at who’s talking.

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  17. I wrote a post yesterday about how I dislike my daughter sometimes… https://kaboodlemum.wordpress.com/2015/03/22/will-you-please-stop-crying/ … I thought I’d have grief from other mothers who disagreed, I didn’t! I had support!
    So since I dislike my daughter, I guess I’m in the bad mothers club too, right? Lol
    I read both of your posts, and the comments… Some of them were awful! How horrible and rude of others tondo that. I’m from the UK so it’s very rarely the ‘pony’ thing happens here, but I still couldn’t agree with you more. You should only have animals you know how to care for and how long your going to be caring, and how much you’ll be spending – no matter what species!

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      1. Sure thing! I think as a mom you can resonate. We all get to the point where we decide that we don’t want to do something and we might even feel guilty about it. And I am pretty sure the nasty commenters have been there too but they are simply not honest enough to admit it. It is such a lack of respect to do something like that. To react in such a way.

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  20. When my son was 13 he complained to me for over a week that he couldn’t hear our of his left ear (no pain whatsoever). I kept telling him it would pass and was probably because of a minor cold….when I finally brought him to the Doctor his ear was PACKED with ear wax…the kicker? I am a NURSE! So, I am a BAD Mother lol!
    PS- we have a cat and a dog and guess who rakes care of them COMPLETELY? Me! Thank God we don’t have a pony!!

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    1. Welcome to the club! Be sure to repeat step 3 until you that snide remark does nothing but make you laugh. We are joking around about making shirts with our accusations clearly listed. I think “Warning: Strong Personality” has a nice ring to it 😉

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  23. I thought my newborn’s skin color was down to his half Asian heritage…it was jaundice. Can I be in your club? PS. Who knew a sensitive and sensible post about horses would poke the trolls?!

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    1. Oh boy, that is a good one, but it is FAR from making you a bad mom. You’re in anyway. And yes, the trolls had their collective knickers in a knot over me taking a stand against the uneducated buying horses. Who woulda guessed?

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  24. I enjoyed your post a lot! I’m not a mother, but I simply HATE when people draw their conclusions and make nasty assumptions about others. I do think that parenting is (yes, yes very rewarding and unique in its experience and all of the other joys) but it is still a difficult job. Every day and every hour. And I always tell my mom how proud I am of her and how happy I am that she raised me in her own way – the way of honesty, of being herself, and being my friend when I needed support more than I needed a judgement or ‘life-lessoning’. Her way was the best way for me. And I am sure your way will be best for your child. And haters… Well, let them do their job. Somebody’s got to be negative in this world after-all.

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    1. Well thanks! Sounds like your mama did an excellent job of teaching you lessons I think are important. Just the fact you read this, and took the time to send some nice words shows you are someone who follows through with the things you were taught were important. I hope my daughter and I will agree on big picture stuff… so far it’s been a little spotty, but in my defense, she’s 19 months and wants to eat buttons she finds on the street. 🙂 I appreciate your kindness!

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  25. Oh my god, I cannot tell you how happy I am to have found this. I was so excited about finally getting published on a popular parenting site. I’d been trying for months and had eight rejections from them. Now I kind of wish they’d rejected this one too. I am apparently not just a horrible mother, but a horrible human being.

    I’m sort of in awe that with all the tragedies happening in the world, people choose to flip their lids over a parenting article.

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    1. OOOH OOOH! Link it here so I can read it (if you want)! Getting published is an awesome accomplishment, so congrats!! And I’m so glad you found our little club, too. Girl, people are AWFUL out there. With time, those comments will be funny, or at the very least sting less. But in the mean time, I hope you can take a deep breath, and be proud that you accomplished your goal. 🙂

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